from judy's point of view

I would like to find a happy medium where I feel accomplished at the
end of each week and create a realistic balance between productivity
and relaxation. To motivate myself, I create urgency and force
pressure onto myself that sometimes works and other times it backfires
and creates stress. So this week I set some goals that i think it
will keep me focused on my longterm goals and yet lend time for some
fun.
* Work on side web projects (15+ hrs)
* Read 10 articles on iPhone OS 4 development
* Brainstorm on mobile applications
* Work on business needs (15+ hrs)
* Write up one Yelp review and attend an event

I'm so pumped up.. the place is looking so fine and homey. Just a few
more details to finish up and I will have pictures posted for all to
see. On another note, after almost a month in Seattle unemployed, I
am working on lots of mini-projects. A lot of these projects stems
from doing things that I find really interesting. My projects range
from photography, website & mobile design and development, and other
personal endeavors. I'm just having so much fun doing things on my
own from decorating, programming, planning, designing, and organizing.
Although I have planned to start looking for a job after a month, I
need more time there's really so much things I feel like experimenting
and trying out new things.

The past weekend we went to the Fourteenth Annual Maritime Festival sponsored by The Seattle Waterfront Neighborhood and Metropolitan Improvement District.  A beautiful Saturday to kick of the festival that took place along the waterfront.  We saw tugboat races, Coast Guard rescue demos, and wooden-boat building for the kids.  And of course, a chowder cook-off which was one of the reasons we went.  With only $5, we sampled and voted on the best chowder. Tried out 9 different chowders from Anthony's Pier 66, Bell Harbor Conference Center, The Crab Pot, Elliot's Oyster House, The Fisherman's Restaurant & Bar, Ivar's , Seattle Marriott Waterfront, Six-Seven, and Steamer's Seafood Cafe.  All were very excellent but I voted for Six-Seven because it was delicious.  I picked that because it didn't taste or have the consistency of warm milk.  It was a medium-size sample portion, not overpowering but a balanced combo of spices and they didn't skimp on clam meat. 

A few weeks ago before moving to Seattle I was living at my parents
home, finishing grad school, and closing things with work. People
knew that I would be in Seattle less than a month. I was ready to go
to Seattle, see Zak and the kitties.

My expectations for this month was to relax, learn the city and do
things at my pace. But fudge that, it was no vacation. I love the
apartment we found... the location, the view, and everything looked
great except for the inside... we had no furniture. In fact, poor Zak
spent a few months sleeping on a futon pad along with the kitties!
Although I was excited to go to Seattle, I was nervous about it and
had the usual stress indicators. Moving to the city was stressful.
Leaving Ohio and everything I knew about Ohio was stressful. Learning
a new city and lifestyle was stressful. Living in an empty home was
most stressful. In my heart, I knew I had to start making this place
feel like a home, our home. It was top priority for me at least. I
needed a place where I feel comfortable and secure, I can be myself
and belong. Speaking of new environments, the kitties had been trying
not to freak out. But, up until now there has been a few scary
moments. Lucy hasn't been eating very much and just a few days ago
had an episode. She collapsed and started to breathe heavily. She
couldn't get up for 30 minutes and we tried to calm her as she shook.
I took her to the vet the next day in Queen Anne by taxi. After the
xrays, blood work, and exam, we learned that she has an infection in
her chest. Relieved that it wasn't cancer, we are happy that this is
treatable. And just recently, Hank hasn't been able to poop :( He
frequently would sit in the litter box for a few minutes and not have
anything come out. We have gone through 3 different brands of dry
foods and still haven't found something that all the kitties like. We
are constantly watching each of them for puke, diarrhea, loss of
appetite etc. While all that was going on, I signed up and registered
everything that a WA resident who doesn't own a car would carry. In
the last few weeks, I received my WA drivers license, ORCA card,
Zipcar membership card, Seattle library card, Safeway club card and
Nordstrom MOD card.

So if you ask me what have I been up to? all that above. If you ask
how do I like Seattle? I love Seattle. The people, food, city,
landscape, and all around equal amount of events for all types of
interests. If you ask how am I doing? I am a bit homesick but trying
to fit in. Adjusting. Settling. Enjoying. Slowly but surely.

I had a successful time centering myself this weekend.  I ran at the gym, pampered my skin with Lush products, washed the cars on a beautiful, sunny and warm day in Ohio.  I was productive - finished errands,  made progress for work, school and home.  It was relaxing, no stress worry free weekend! Yay!   I think every once a while I have to do this for myself.  I find myself absolutely overwhelmed with my to dos that I need to ask myself what is most important to me and what can I do to help myself do these tasks in a more satisfying meaningful way.  A different, positive attitude and mindset to get through a day is much better than holding a grudge and being fearful.  Not only can a negative mindset affect myself, it can make an indirect impact on others around me.     

Two major events happened this week.  One good and one not so good.  The not so good is not the focus of this post however I wanted to use this to track a point in time so I can look back and understand the circumstance of this weekend.  
The good is my husband's family.  This family is very close -- they look out for each other.  They support each other.  If someone is not doing well, they band together and protect the vulnerable.  They are awesome.   Not that they haven't been this way, I am amazed from what I've seen and heard - how loving and supportive they are to one another.  I've been invited into their family with open arms and taken cared of as if I was one of them all along.  They threw a surprise birthday party Saturday morning and showered me with gifts.  I've been invited to the "girls night out" events with the women of the family.  I have so much fun with the family and the greatest part is that I just have to be myself.  I want to thank them for their generosity and the trust that they give me to be part of the family.  I only hope that I can do the same and live long the love and support for my future family. 

OMG I just turned 30.  I am having a major life crisis.   I made goals to get married, have kids, and live in a nice home in the suburbs.  I had goals that I've traveled and seen the world by the age of 30.  What do I have to show for in the last 3 decades?  It's getting harder to loss weight, my body and skin isn't perky and good at resisting the harshness of the world.  My skin is no longer smooth and wrinkle free.  I am 30 and can I really have kids?! What will I be doing in the next 30 years?

That is the stuff that goes through my head today.  It initially depressed me and had put a number of my fragile mind.   However just thinking about the major accomplishments I've had in my life I'm happy that I had made conscious decisions to at least made baby steps to meet my goals.  I got married to a wonderful husband.  I have kitties who gives me unconditional love.  I am getting my masters in June.  I am among people that exemplifies love and support for one another.  Because of that, I am doing great and that makes the the happiest person in the world.  Sure, I’m not where I thought I’d be when I reached 30, but you know, I’m pretty happy with where I am.  It’s so cliche, but I feel like I have so much ahead of me.  There are so many exciting things happening in the world and so many opportunities to grow personally and professionally.  I’m glad to have my place in all of it, at least until things change again and I go off on my next adventure... BRING IT ON! 

"Trust is quite a powerful relational dynamic. Having it exist mutually between two people is can be magic. When trust combines with a depth of self-disclosure, then there is even more power. Respect grows. In fact, when mutual trust rises, so do many relational quality indicators.

And yet, the stronger trust becomes, the more vulnerable the relationship becomes. How ironic. The trust paradox demands that the relationship become stronger by way of exposing weakness.

Now, don’t get me wrong, vulnerability is not weakness. I define it as the extent to which a person could be hurt by another. It is the extent to which a person reveals his or her softest spots. It is a willingness to be unprotected in the presence of another."

via http://fajita.wordpress.com/2006/12/11/trust-paradox/

The above quote resonated me and stood out for me.  I'm getting a better understanding about how trust is a foundation of building any relationship.  I trust that my husband will not cheat on me, tell me what is bothering him, or support me in my decisions.  I trust my kids to do the right thing when he/she is pressured to do and act something they are made to feel.  I am confident that if I need a friend's advise or my family to help I will get that support.  Trust is not giving to me automatically and for me to develop that connection, I have to express it that I'm wanting your trust.  If you give it back to me, I would be happy to build that relationship with you.  And if you don't,  I am okay with it because you can't force someone to trust you back.  This exchange of trust is a connection that I share with that person.  Trust is something that can't be created out of thin air and some relationships takes time to grow and some relationships are incompatible.  It is important to me to build trust with any relationships.  I would like my boss to trust me in finishing my project. In return, I would like to trust my boss that he will make sure I get recognized for my accomplishment.

Making new year resolutions?

I've read Clementine's post on resolutions according to women and the report completely nails down what I would say I would do.  I've made my resolutions in past years and it's always the same crap: be healthy, exercise, lose weight, save money, blah blah.  And how closely do I keep my promises?  Not at all.  It is completely disappointing and depressing to not be able to motivate and commit to those issues.   And to me those are my core values that I am messing up year after year.  If I really want to make changes to my life I plan on making that change instantly (here and now).  Why should i wait for that magic moment to act on it?  I am making an excuse to procrastinate and that is something I am great at.  If any resolutions should I make, it should be taken lightly, fun, new, unique and can be accomplished short-term.